


heaven and hell were words to me

by phichit-chu (howtobottlefame)



Series: YOI drabbles [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:18:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9418187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtobottlefame/pseuds/phichit-chu
Summary: It's not until Viktor himself comes into his life, buck naked and like a force of nature ready to shift Yuuri's whole world upside down, that he learns the things that really matter.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just like the idea of Viktor having depression and Yuuri helping him through it. Did some of this as a thread on my twitter so sorry to those that basically already know this. 
> 
> Title from Hozier's Work song

Yuuri knew Viktor before he ever really knew himself. Before he started discovering the things he liked, the things that made it hard to breathe, what would keep him up at night, Viktor was always there. A constant presence in an otherwise changing world. Before he could learn who he was, he looked at Viktor and knew who he _wanted_ to be.

Since he was a kid, watching his skating videos or reading his interviews was always that thing he could go to when nothing else made sense. Knew what his favorite color was, the town he grew up in, what he did on his days off, childhood pet. They were seared onto his heart. If he knew nothing else, at least he knew this. Until counting the distance in hours became second nature to him. 6 am in St. Petersburg. 12 pm in Japan. Viktor should be waking up for practice right now.

It's not until the man himself comes into his life, buck naked and like a force of nature ready to shift Yuuri's whole world upside down, that he learns the things that really matter.

It's not the kind of thing to be read on gossip magazines or found on his bookmarked websites, but the kind of thing few people actually get to see. It's the soft way he snores, only when he's genuinely tired. How his hair never quite lays flat on one side. How it feels against his fingers. He learns his morning breath and his favorite toothpaste, how soft his lips are. He doesn't leave the house without lip balm. Always forgets to buy apples even if Yuuri reminds him to.

Yuuri makes room for all this new knowledge, for all his different smiles. Suddenly the city where Viktor was born doesn't matter so much as how he loves rainy days or how he takes his coffee. Milk and too much sugar.

He learns him on a good day, the single flower blossom he buys him on his way home, where he likes to take Makkachin for a walk. 

He learns Viktor on bad days, too. The quiet nights and the heavy mornings. 

It's a thing he's still learning. Sometimes, Yuuri comes home and he _knows_. The lights are off and Makkachin doesn't greet him at the door. He knows then, if he walks in, he'll find their bedroom door closed, dirty dishes in the sink and Viktor's shoes where they're not supposed to be.

He doesn't know why it happens. Just that it's the type of sadness he's not used to and that Viktor lies in bed longer than he should. They are quiet days. Makkachin stays in bed with him all day, sits obediently just outside the bathroom door when Yuuri coaxes him into the shower. He wonders how Makka knows even before it's coming. How he can learn that, too.

He learns other things. How to cook just the right things to get him to eat something, to open the curtains to let some sunlight in. He learns how to say nothing. If he lies behind Viktor and waits just long enough, he knows Viktor will sigh and his shoulders will shake. If he says nothing for long enough, it'll be Viktor the one that speaks first. He knows the art of opening up is a tough thing to learn, but Viktor has shown him better than anyone how to speak the things from the heart.

He knows, too, that it will pass, that Viktor will bring him five white roses in return. An apology or a thank you or both, and his lips will taste just as sweet no matter what.

He has learned himself through Viktor, all the things he couldn't let go before. He can only do his best and offer enough of his love so that Viktor can learn to do these things, too.


End file.
